


One More Light

by tmo



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Recovery, References to Depression, Rockstar!Iruka, Smut, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-17 09:12:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11848488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tmo/pseuds/tmo
Summary: How time traveler Kakashi met the love of his life.Romance Trope 5: A character is constantly misplaced in time, but still attempts to lead some semblance of a normal life with their loved one (source: The Time-Traveler's Wife, by Audrey Niffenegger)





	One More Light

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing an explicitly dirty scene.

**July 21st, 2007** **  
** **  
** _After Matters frontman Iruka Umino was found dead on Saturday, July 21._ _  
_ _  
_ _Umino, the coroner said, was found at his residence by an employee in the upstairs area of his home in the Palos Verdes Estates neighborhood of Los Angeles. The singer was home alone and was pronounced dead at 7:08 a.m. on Saturday, July 21. He was 22._ _  
_ _  
_ _The coroner added there was no evidence of drugs at the scene but that there was a half-empty bottle of alcohol inside the room. No suicide note was found._ **  
** **  
** Huh. That was sad.  
  
Kakashi sipped his tea and browsed through other articles, he vaguely remembered listening to After Matters last week.  
  
His morning was turning out to be a very depressing one. Not only did he find out that the singer for one of his favourite bands had died, but the power was knocked out by the storm outside too. Sitting in the dark of his living room, he munched on his cereal and turned over the page of a newspaper he swiped from the apartment lobby.  
  
The comics were the most interesting part of newspapers, but he had long since read the one in this issue along with the crossword and other puzzles. According to his horoscope, he wouldn't have to 'make an effort to go a long distance' and that his words were 'highly charged'. The weather was apparently supposed to be just as bad for the rest of the week which was a little abnormal for this time of year in Arizona. He might be called off from work tomorrow if he was lucky.  
  
A flash of lightning cut through the rain outside and he realized that he could be doing anything else right now. At least, he would if he had anyone to do things with. He wasn’t exactly… The social type.  
  
It didn’t even matter if he wanted some anyway. His condition didn’t exactly allow him to keep people close.  
  
He stood from the couch and padded away to the kitchen where he started making himself more food. There wasn't much left to eat in the dark. Slapping a sandwich together, he picked up his phone and looked up After Matters. He had enough data to open up at least a hundred wiki pages. Even if he wasn’t a social being, he was still human and humanity involved curiosity. Iruka Umino.    
  
“Oh,” he said gloomily. He knew After Matters a lot more than he had previously thought. They had only put out three albums to date with the last one being released only a month ago. He knew most of their previous songs. They were really good too. Well, had been now. They were mostly a heavy rock band but extremely experimental. He hadn't known much about the band members themselves. He hadn't even seen their faces before. Now, he was staring at a group of guys who looked like they were belting lyrics out on stage. In the center was Iruka Umino. His sharp ponytail and dark eyes were striking onstage. Kakashi couldn't tell what he was feeling anymore.  
  
He was just uneasy.  
  
Rubbing his eyes, there was a headache starting to burn between his brows. Hopefully, it was just the humidity getting to him and not another episode. Ever since he was a kid, he would find himself in the most oddest of situations in the literal blink of an eye. He didn't feel like ending up in his old apartment again or outside of his old elementary school. Those were popular ones.

The echoes of his steps were loud as he tried to get to his bedroom, but he didn’t get far before pressing against the wall.

He needed air for a second.  
  
It felt like an episode was coming on. Usually, there was a feeling at the back of his head but now the itch was at the front of his face and it ground down on him painfully. It was like a soft buzzing that made him want to blink. He resisted the urge to close his eyes when he heard a phone ring and he hurried to his room for the landline.  
  
“Hello?” He demanded as soon as he grabbed the phone.  
  
“Hey! Kakashi,” Gai slowly articulated.  
  
“Hey, Gai. What’s up?” He silently urged Gai to talk faster as he held back dry eyes.  
  
“Well, my good friend, I got a call from Kazu. You remember Kazu, right?”  
  
“Yes, yes I remember Kazu.” He really didn’t in that moment and cringed when he finally blinked. He opened them and sighed. His bed was still there and Gai was still talking. His eyes were dry and he still wanted to blink again.  
  
“So, he called me and started talking about how his dog was sick. I’ve never even seen his dog! Apparently though, the dog is super cute so I planned to see him next weekend.” Kakashi was trying to hard to not blink again, but his head was starting to spin and he was about to give in. “Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that Kazu says the sites are still up and running and we should be good to go tomorrow.”    
  
“Good. Great.” Kakashi was about to say thank you when his left eyes twitched and fell shut with the other closing right after, throwing him into a quiet darkness.    
  
It was like being dipped into a familiar bath. There were no sounds or feeling except the cold running over his face and arms.    
  
He knew that when he opened his eyes again, he wouldn’t be at home. Sometimes, he wouldn’t even be in the same state and he knew for certain that it wouldn’t ever be the same day.    
  
Bracing himself for the worst, he opened his eyes again and a rush of noise hit his ears: music.

It was heavy but distant enough for him to not jolt.    
  
The first thing he saw was a door loaded with stickers and writing. At a longer glance, the writing became clearer and they looked more like signatures. To the right, a few racks of clothing lined the wall and to Kakashi’s left, there was a wall of mirrors and lights that he could see himself in. Instinct took over when he saw himself without clothes and he hurried to the racks to find something that fit.    
  
First rack was way too small, but the second seemed loose enough to fit. He found a black shirt with an obscure name on it and a stylized skull. Pants were always a struggle since he was so tall, but he managed to find a pair that were just a bit too short and hugged his butt probably a little too tight. A pair of high tops were just his size.    
  
The next step in his mental list was to find numbers. He didn’t know for how long he’d be stuck there and dates were always useful. It looked like he wasn't too far off from his own time. The room didn’t give him any clues though. It was a pretty barren room other then clothes.    
  
He decided to screw it and opened the door.    
  
It showed a dimly lit, black-painted corridor. Quickly, he stepped out and starting walking, studying the posters and different signs on the walls that read warnings and pointed to bathrooms. The next door was the same black as the hall and the door he just came out of but was locked. Continuing on, he noticed that the music seemed to be going in and out. It wasn’t really music. It was notes and beats being played on guitars and drums.  
  
With a shiver, he continued to the next door and found that this one was unlocked. So, he slipped inside the dark room.    
  
It wasn’t that the lights weren’t on. The bulbs were giving off a red glow over everything and Kakashi froze when he saw that he wasn’t alone.  
  
The other person was in a chair with their front slumped against the counter, breathing softly as if in sleep and Kakashi felt just a bit better. If they hadn’t woken up when he came in, they probably weren’t going to wake up soon.    
  
This looked like a dressing room. That uneasy feeling he had in the pit of his belly was back and he shivered. He didn’t feel he should be there, but he couldn’t move.  
  
Blinking, he squinted in the slight darkness. There was a clock near the door that read 11:39. He guessed it was in the evening because of the take-out containers near the sleeping person’s head.    
  
“If you’re looking for Al, they’re not here,” the person grumbled from the table and Kakashi almost jumped.  
  
“Huh,” he fumbled before improvising. “Do you know where I might find him?”  
  
The man groaned and lifted himself up to drop his face into his hands. His long hair hung around his shoulders and over his hands in a way that felt too familiar. “I don’t know.”  
  
There was a silence that Kakashi felt so tense in, but he tried to act casual and slide his hands into the pockets of the jeans. He found a pack of gum in the left one.  
  
“Sorry to disturb you then.” Backing out, he grabbed the handle.  
  
“I think I might know where he is.”    
  
Kakashi slowly turned his head with his hand on the knob to see that the man was facing him from the chair, running a hand through his hair to push it back. And Kakashi recognized him. This was way too coincidental. This was coincidental and bad and Kakashi needed to get out of here asap.  
  
“Don’t worry, I’ll find him on my own.” He had pulled open the door and was trying to walk out quickly, but that tired voice called out.  
  
“No, you won’t,” Iruka Umino said confidently as he stood and stretched from his chair with a yawn. The sleeveless tee he had on rode up a bit, but he stalked towards the door anyway. Brown hair a little fluffier in front, the singer of After Matters looked tired and worn more then his ripped jeans. Kakashi remembered the picture of the band from the article he’d read but the man in front of him was just… Tired. There were dark circles under his faded eyes and there were angry lines across his face from he'd slept on something. He didn't even make eye contact with Kakashi.  
  
He sauntered passed and slapped Kakashi on the shoulder as he went, saying with a yawn, “let’s go then.”  
  
“Cool,” was all Kakashi could say. He needed out now. This man might be dead in a few hours. He really didn’t want to have police asking him questions much less being framed for murder.

Swallowing, he followed the other man’s slow walk down the hall. As they went, he tried to find a way out. Information on a poster or some kind of hallway to duck down would do. 

“So, what do you need him for?” Iruka cut into his thoughts, looking over his shoulder at Kakashi.  
  
“Oh, um,” he fumbled for an excuse. “It’s nothing important. In fact, I could probably talk to him later. What day is it actually?”    
  
The question seemed to actually surprise the singer enough to pause in his step and Iruka frowned. “Uh, good question.”  
  
And then he walked off. Curiosity got the better of him so Kakashi followed. A turn and a set of stairs later, they found more people hurrying around and the beats from before had gotten louder, turning into actual music. They were heading towards the stage and Kakashi realized he recognized the music. It was another band he recognized vaguely but couldn't put a name to.    
  
After the pop of an idea, Kakashi piped up. “Can I be real with you?”  
  
Iruka abruptly stopped and half turned to look at him, letting people pass them.    
  
It took a lot of courage to say it, but Kakashi figured the best idea was to get kicked out by bouncers and be on his merry way when Iruka would yell for them. “I’m not here to see all. I’m really just a big fan who snuck in for your autograph. I hopped the fence, snuck passed security and now I'm really regreting my decision.”  
  
Wide-eyed and frozen, Iruka stared up at him in surprised and Kakashi waited for big burly guys to grab him by the arms any seconds now. When there were no hands on him, he started to sweat. Iruka was actually looking at him now.   
  
Then Iruka scoffed and actually started to laugh. “You’re joking.”  
  
“Nope.” Kakashi pulled up his shoulders to his ears with his hands still in his pockets. Iruka was looking at him with interest now. There was an astonished but fun quirk on his lips and a spark was starting to burn on his face.  
  
“You’re one crazy dude. You can’t be that big of a fan.” Iruka was pulling his hair up now and using one of the elastics on his wrists to tie up his hair. He was starting to look a lot more awake now.  
  
“You’re right. I really wanted to see if I could get passed security.”   
  
Iruka chuckled again and walked around him carefully with an interested eye, walking backwards in the direction of dressing room from before with his eyes on Kakashi. “What’s your name?”  
  
“George.” Kakashi said after a second.  
  
“That’s a lie.” Iruka was shaking his head, the smile settling into a smirk.  
  
“Oh yeah?”  
  
“Yup,” Iruka was confident and motioned for Kakashi to follow. “Come along, George.”  
  
Kakashi couldn't tell anymore if this was good or bad.

Back in the red light of the dressing room, Iruka swung the door shut behind Kakashi who stood watching Iruka pull out a bottle from a cabinet near the door.  
  
“Drink with me, George.” With a solid twist, Iruka had the cap off and had already taken a swig before holding it out.    
  
“I don’t…” He trailed off as Iruka stalked forward to push him back into the chair behind him and shove the bottle into his hands.  
  
With a daring smile, Iruka pulled up a chair across from him and slumped comfortably into it. He studied Kakashi until the older man finally gave in and took a hesitant sip. At Kakashi’s wince, Iruka grinned and laughed, “you, George, are something else.”  
  
“I know.” Rubbing at his chest and still grimacing, he handed the drink over to Iruka who took a long drink without even flinching before handing it back.    
  
“So, tell me what you’re really here for.” The smile wasn’t serious but Iruka’s eyes were.    
  
After a long chug, Kakashi coughed and handed it back, “I got lost.”  
  
“Lost?” There was disbelief, but he seemed to believe it better than Kakashi breaking in. “Mmm, so you’re not a crazy fanboy?”  
  
“No, no… I don’t even know who you are.” Iruka chuckled but he continued. “You looked like someone special though.”  
  
Palming his mouth, Iruka looked him over and Kakashi found that the unease which had been climbing in his chest slowly started to simmer down. With his ripped jeans crossed, Iruka did look special; tired and worn but different. He also noticed the other empty bottles in the cabinet and on the floor.  
  
This was weird. There was a sharp tang of panic in his chest and Kakashi started to stand, “I better get going.”  
  
“Do you even know where the exit is?” Iruka asked as he started out the door.  
  
“I’ll find it.” He called over his shoulder and he hurried away. In the dark hall, he breathed deeply and started to head back to the first costume room, in the direction opposite everything else, feeling a little less claustrophobic. The alcohol was already in his fingers and starting to creep into his head

But he felt a tug at his arm before he could move towards it.   
  
“Come on,” Iruka was dragging him the other way, pulling Kakashi’s arm. “I’ll get you home, lost doggy.”  
  
Iruka’s hand was warm on his wrist, calming.  
  
They went down a different hall and suddenly they were outside. It was night outside and Iruka let go of his wrist to greet a man who was waiting with a very plain black sedan. “Javier!”  
  
“It's Adam.”  
  
Stepping onto the cement, Kakashi had to steady himself against the door again. He hadn’t caught what was on the bottle, but he was sure it was some heavy stuff. Not that any of that would have mattered. Kakashi hadn’t had a drink in years.  
  
He blinked hard and wondered why this episode wasn’t over yet. They usually never lasted this long.  
  
“Hey, George!”    
  
His head was starting to spin a bit.    
  
“Georgie!” Iruka was in front of him again and he felt the world still for a second. “It’s Friday night. Almost Saturday according to Javier.”  
  
“It’s Adam.” The unfazed guy at the car called back.  
  
“Anyway, let me take you home, big guy.” Iruka was smiling up at him and his heart skipped a little. Iruka pulled him into the car and they piled in, legs tangled together. Kakashi would be lying if he said his blood wasn’t pumping through his body hard. He felt it in his chest, fingers and even in his pants.  
  
“I don’t usually get into cars with strangers.”    
  
“Neither do I.” They laughed and Iruka slid an arm around his neck. “So, where do you live?”  
  
“Uh.” Kakashi looked out the window and didn’t recognize any streets or buildings. “Well, where are we?”  
  
“Central Los Angeles, my dude.” Iruka started rocking a leg on Kakashi’s knee.  
  
“Huh. Well. I live in Phoenix.”    
  
“Shut up.” Iruka was smiling again. “Arizona?”  
  
“The same.” He felt more relaxed and let a hand fall on Iruka’s knee. This wasn't a bad place to be. As long as Iruka didn't do anything that was more crazy then what they were doing now, he'd be fine. He was feeling really fine already. Iruka's leg was warm on his knee.  
  
“Damn, that’s far. You must have been on some heavy shit.”    
  
Kakashi didn’t really know what ‘heavy shit’ meant, but he knew it probably wasn’t legal and they both perked up when Adam spoke up from the front. “There’s a flight leaving in about three hours from here to Phoenix, sir.”  
  
“Perfect!” Iruka pointed out the front window. “Accounting for LA traffic, we should be there just in time. For now, we drink.”  
  
Iruka passed a chuckling Kakashi the bottle again and Kakashi took a long swig, throwing caution to the wind.    
  
After a few interesting hours filled with laughing and a lot of drinking, they were at the airport and saying bye to Adam. Instead of going through the main doors though, Iruka led him around the airport to a backdoor that he smacked his butt against. When it beeped, Kakashi couldn’t help but stare at Iruka’s magical butt. They had a set of keys tucked inside with what looked kinda like a keycard attached and a lanyard blowing in the wind. Kakashi was holding back tears of laughter as they made their way out and into was looked like a bar.    
  
Before Kakashi could ask, Iruka was already at the bar and ordering them more drinks.  
  
“I hope you like lemonade.” Iruka handed him a drink. Fruity.  
  
“Where are we?” Outside the window, it was too dark to see much and there were barely any other people around.  
  
“Don’t worry about it,” Iruka said as he threaded his arm through Kakashi’s and led him through a doorway to what looked more like the terminal of an airport. There were about a dozen or so tired looking business people waiting for the plane, but instead of sitting with them Iruka walked right passed into the airport.    
  
In their slow, drunken stroll, they made their way into what looked like a mall and Kakashi huffed in amazement. “Consumerism at its finest.”  
  
“Hmm?” Iruka looked at him curiously and Kakashi nodded to him.  
  
“Yup. Even in airports, a place where people are supposed to be in this… State of transitioning, there’s always a place to spend money.” It had been more thinking out loud, but another thought popped into his head, created probably by the alcohol. “I guess this is where we are now. We’re in a place to transition; neither in one place or another.”  
  
“Huh.” He looked over to see Iruka lost in thought, saying softly, “maybe we are. Stuck in the divide.”  
  
“A new divide.” He provided and Iruka looked over at him.  
  
When their eyes met, Kakashi had a sudden realization that he had an attachment to this human being. Behind all the noise and blur of the booze, there was a small voice that wondered if this episode was going to finish here or if this one ever would finish. **  
** **  
** **July 21st, 2007** **  
** **  
** Slowly, Iruka woke up. Licking his dry lips, he sat up from his very hard pillow and looked around. Not his bedroom.  
  
Rubbing his face, he looked over at the pillow and found the guy from last night sound asleep. He had met guys with grey hair before, but this guy was something else entirely.  
  
Iruka shivered remembering last night and quickly stood to take a shower. After trying the switch a few times and looking around the room, he concluded the power was out. Just his luck. He was thankful that the bathroom had a window for light. Under the cool water, he noticed the other man’s shampoo and conditioner. After a sniff, Iruka shivered generously lathered up his head, ignoring a stab in his chest.  
  
This wasn’t a regular occurrence, sleeping with someone, but Iruka had enough experience with one night stands to know the protocol. He tied his hair back into a wet bun and slipped back into his clothes from last night. It was raining outside.  
  
Usually, he would have just walked out and never looked back. He would have ignored the longing he felt and would have pretended he didn’t want that connection he had felt to be real. This time was no different. Until he got to the door and was about to walk out.  
  
He couldn’t turn the knob.  
  
He groaned before flopping over into the couch. What was he doing? Waiting for something to happen? Was he going to wait until he woke up? The last time he did that, he ended up with a stalker and having to file a restraining order. The time before, he’d been not-so-subtly kicked out. Who knew some guys were ashamed of sleeping with another man…  
  
While he wanted to believe it wouldn’t go like that, he had his doubts.  
  
So, he was back at the door again.  
  
And then the predicament started all over again and he struggled to leave.  
  
Looking around the entryway, his eyes landed on the little table at the front door and the cellphone on it. Iruka picked it up and mused that it must’ve been the other man’s. It was a blackberry, after all…    
  
Solid… Reliable…  
  
Iruka quickly scrambled through the apartment until he found a sticky note and scribbled his number down. Looking at it closely, he realized his writing wasn’t the cleanest, threw the note out and started again.  
  
“Why didn’t you use the hairdryer?”    
  
Iruka spun around in surprise to find George leaning against the wall, looking tired and pale but awake.  
  
“Oh.” Iruka slowly set down the cellphone back on the table, little sticky note stuck to it. Standing very still, he awkwardly stood, keeping eyes locked with George. “Well… I… It’s raining out and… Blow drying would be a little pointless. The power's out anyway.”  
  
“Oh, yeah... So you were planning on leaving without breakfast.” A brow was raised and Iruka felt his cheek flame up.  
  
“I mean, the power was out so...”  
  
The look Iruka got was dripping with ‘really?’ and Iruka couldn’t help his cheeks burning hotter. The other man shrugged and started back to the kitchen. “Well, I’m not stopping you, but I've got cereal.”  
  
After shifting in his boots and hesitating between bolting and throwing care to the wind, Iruka carefully unzipped his boots and padded back towards the kitchen. George was at the fridge and Iruka slipped into a seat at the round table. It had a window that overlooked the buildings around them and he couldn’t help but glance over at the other man from time to time. He didn't even know this guy's real name.  
  
“I presume you’ve been to Phoenix before.” Iruka hadn’t expected conversation.  
  
“Um, actually I haven’t.” This was interesting. “We usually do west coast and east coast shows. Surprisingly, Arizona isn’t coast enough.”  
  
There was a low chuckle and the murmur, “surprising indeed.”  
  
Glancing back over again, he couldn’t look away from the other man anymore and started tracing over the shoulders and hair with his eyes and how they were bunched up near near the ears. It looked like Iruka wasn’t the only nervous one.    
  
After a minute of silence, George spoke up again, “sorry if I’m not a good host. I don’t usually have… Visitors.”  
  
Iruka smirked and rubbed his neck a bit, confessing, “I’m not exactly the greatest guest either. I don’t think I’ve actually had breakfast at someone else’s house in years.”

“Years, huh?”  
  
“Yeah,” the table he was sitting at was small. Looked like he wasn’t the only one who usually had breakfast alone. At least they had something in common. Well, something else at least.  
  
“So,” George was standing at the other end of the table with a bowl and utensils, looking uncertain and struggling with something. “I don’t exactly remember much from last night.”  
  
Iruka blinked. Trying to hold back a laugh, he licked his lips. “That’s not surprising, considering how you ended up in my dressing room. You at least remember that right?”  
  
“Of course,” the bowl was set down in front of him and George went to a cupboard to grab a few boxes.  
  
“What the heck were you on?” Iruka had seen guys almost kill themselves from substance. Heck, he’d hurt himself a few times too.  
  
“Medication. Or the lack thereof.” Iruka softened, the nervousness from before fading into curiosity.  
  
“So, when you’re not on it, you go crazy?” It wasn’t meant in offense and the other man thankfully didn’t take it that way. He instead looked over his shoulder and gave a hesitant nod. Iruka liked how shy this guy could get.  
  
“Kind of.” He came back over with a few different boxes of cereal and a carton of milk.   
  
Kakashi sat down and looked up to find Iruka staring at him curiously, waiting for him to continue. “I… Black out every now and then. It’s like my brain goes through a hard reset. Sometimes I do weird things when I black out and I’ve tried seeing doctors. I’m taking medication that helps in making the blackouts shorter.”    
  
“So, why did you stop taking your meds?” Iruka wasn’t touching the food, focused solely on Kakashi now and Kakashi couldn’t tell if he hated being studied so thoroughly. He usually didn’t, but Iruka wasn’t a usual kind of guy.  
  
“I just… I guess I was trying to control it myself.” It wasn’t a lie. He was really telling the truth and it surprised him.  
  
“Trying to control something you’re powerless to.” The casual tone made Kakashi shiver. He wasn’t a big fan of philosophical statements, but when the singer across the table from him leaned over playfully, Kakashi was hooked. “Dangerous game, George. Play too close to the edge and you could fall in.”  
  
“I already have,” he said with the most certainty he could muster. He had missed Gai’s call that morning. He was back in the present with a very different day from the one he had blinked out of. Looking Iruka right in the eyes and unconsciously leaning in, he knew that he couldn’t go back to the quiet rainy morning. “I’ve been put in a spot I can’t get out of; had to make decisions that changed everything. I’m in deep now, but I have to live with it.”  
  
“That’s amazing.” Iruka was breathless. He had to look away with a small chuckle. “So, what’s the trick? To living with it, I mean.”  
  
There was a moment where Kakashi couldn’t answer and he said softly after, “I don’t know. Still trying to figure it out.”  
  
It felt like Iruka was searching for something in his eyes and he shivered.  
  
“Me too.” Iruka said softly and Kakashi hesitantly slid his hand over to hold Iruka’s. Touching Iruka’s hand, it was warm and familiar.  
  
“Iruka.” He liked saying it. There was a hand on his cheek and he found Iruka grinning at him.  
  
“George.” They both broke out into laughter and Iruka bumped their noses together. “I need your real name.”  
  
“Kakashi.”  
  
“Kakashi.” Iruka repeated it.  
  
The kiss that followed was almost expected and they both sort of fell into it, letting lips move and fingers travel. Kakashi shivered and carelessly massaged the hand in his until his heart was beating wildly.  
  
Iruka pulled his mouth away to breathe but stood abruptly from his seat, slid onto Kakashi’s lap and pressed their lips together hard. Kakashi realized that this probably wasn’t the first time it had happened. With Iruka’s arms around his neck and his arms under Iruka’s legs, he carried them to the bedroom. There was chuckling in his ear and hands sliding over his back and trying to pull off his shirt.  
  
There was a breathy moment when they flopped onto the bed where their eyes met again. They stilled for a brief second before Kakashi finally leaned in to give a gentle kiss that left Iruka even more breathless.  
  
“Kakashi,” Iruka was flushed and almost gasping for air, but his hands were rough trying to pull off the other man’s shirt. After it was gone, Kakashi dove back in for another kiss, moving down tan skin to neck and shoulders.  
  
His hands were shaking as he tried to undo pants, but he froze, remembering, “shit, wait just two seconds.”  
  
Leaving and quickly coming back, he sat a knee on the bed between Iruka’s knees as he searched the condom wrapper for a way to open and dropped a bottle next to them. Glancing over at Iruka, he saw the other man’s eyes poking out from under his own arm in curiosity and a small smirk before laughing.  
  
“God, you’re crazy.” It was playful and Iruka sat up at the quirk of the other man’s brow. “You did the same thing last night.”  
  
“I did? Good to know I practice safe sex even when intoxicated.” Iruka was giving him a very provocative half-smile and he couldn’t help but shiver.  
  
“You know, you probably don’t remember the cool trick.”  
  
“Trick?”  
  
The smile never left but instead became more mischievous and he couldn’t tell what Iruka was planning when he said, “mhm, I showed you last night. I can show you again, if you want.”  
  
Without waiting for Kakashi’s approval, his pants were being unzipped and he looked away in embarrassment as his boxers were slip down just enough for his shaft to pop out. He barely noticed when the condom was snatched from his hand as Iruka crooned, “don’t look away or you’ll miss it.”  
  
Tongue was on his tip and his jerked, breath catching. As interesting as the rain outside was, he couldn’t keep his eyes away and turned down just as Iruka’s mouth slid down his cock. When pulling back up to reveal the rubber in place, Iruka grinned and winked up at him.  
  
“Great way to put on condom, huh?” Iruka was half expecting to be kissed and immediately thrown onto the bed to be roughly fucked but instead of a sassy comment or a rough reaction, Kakashi leaned down slowly.  
  
Pressing Iruka back into the sheets with a kiss that made him whimper, Kakashi pulled back to softly whisper, “I want to try that on you someday.”  
  
The implications and smouldering eyes made Iruka feel numb, his heart and groin beat hard.  
  
“I haven’t had sex with many people. Sorry, if I’m a little rusty.” Iruka felt like he was hearing Kakashi a million miles away and almost didn’t notice that his clothes were being pulled off. There were flashes of last night in his head and he was about to comment on how that couldn’t be true but hands on his chest and legs stopped him. His words fell from his mind when Kakashi’s mouth started tickling his ear and a hand slid to his hip and squeezed his butt.  
  
“Iruka.” He was being kissed again just as a hand started massaging the tip of his cock. A groan was pulled from him and he couldn’t help but arch a bit into the touch. Iruka almost didn’t notice when the other hand on his thigh slid up and lifted away briefly before coming back wet. But he did notice when it slowly pressed into his hole. After the initial uncomfortable feeling wore off, he slowly became accustomed to the slow finger probing inside.    
  
“You okay?” The voice felt far away, but Iruka bit his lip and nodded, sliding arms around Kakashi’s neck and pulling him in. After a few moments, the slow finger slid against an area that made Iruka involuntarily gasp and it was slyly joined by another finger as the hand on Iruka’s shaft slowly started pumping.  
  
“Kakashi,” Iruka had never begged before, he hadn’t ever needed to, but now he felt like his body was just grinding to finish, burning from the inside out. “Please.”  
  
“Hmm?” Focusing on what Iruka was saying, Kakashi kissed Iruka’s ear again. “Please what?”  
  
Iruka was already tugging down Kakashi’s pants and boxers, panting, “please, I need you inside me.”  
  
Even through his haze of pleasure, Iruka still felt embarrassed, but the result was instantaneous. Hands were on his hips and there was a surge of need in his belly just as a tip was pressed against him. When Kakashi’s shifted his arms, Iruka found their eyes meeting again and he slid his hand into Kakashi’s hair to grip it lightly.  
  
The tip was the worst part. It slid in slowly and carefully enough to drive Iruka up the wall. He felt so full already but once the head was in, there was a pause before it was pressed in deeper and deeper. Finally seated, they were both breathing hard and Iruka felt as tight as a bowstring.  
  
The hand from before was back on his cock and stroking slowly as the shaft inside him slowly slid back a bit. It was starting to almost feeling good, the small and slow movements inside him, but the best came when it slid it out a bit further and rubbed against that sensitive spot from before. “Ahn!”  
  
Kakashi froze at the small yelp before pulling back and pressing back into it again, causing Iruka to jerk around him and he whined too.  
  
That was when a rhythm started; slow and cautious before strong and confident. Encouraged by the pants and moans coming from under him, he started to move faster and lose himself in the feeling.  
  
“Kakashi,” Iruka panted into the other man’s ear and tightened his grip on Kakashi’s back, digging his nails in with every thrust. He was so close, panting, “cum.”  
  
Thrusting harder, Iruka felt the hand on his cock start stroking fast and he couldn’t ignore the orgasm that suddenly hit him. When he came, his cum shot out onto them, but Kakashi didn’t stop his movement and continued to slide in and out quickly, prolonging the pleasure that made Iruka arch his back and gasp. After a few moments of thrusting, Kakashi stopping moving and ground hard against Iruka’s prostate, making the brunet whine loudly and grip sheets as a pulsing feeling pressed against that spot.  
  
Panting, Kakashi slid out and almost dropped onto Iruka but maneuvered them so that they were lying on their sides, tangled up together.  
  
The sound of the rain made Iruka fall into a lull, still sated by pleasure and unwilling to move. It felt like a long while before they moved, but it wasn’t like Iruka wanted to anyway.  
  
He felt good. It wasn’t just from the sex either.    
  
There was a soft buzz of contentment and the panic from before was gone. The stress of the world outside that room was non existent. He hadn’t felt that way in a long time.    
  
It was unsettling. It was truly unsettling and the good feeling he had was replaced by fear. There was the fear of backlash. He knew what it felt like to have something so good taken away so quickly. It wasn’t a feeling he wanted to have again. his heart was beating fast now. He did know for how long they had been lying there for but while Kakashi had closed his eyes and relaxed, Iruka was wide awake and too destabilized to lay still anymore.   
  
So, in Kakashi’s arms, he held back his tears and tried to quietly get the fuck out.  
  
Which was a feat that was inherently impossible. As soon as Iruka shot up and out of bed, Kakashi’s eyes snapped open and watched the other man get his clothes on.  
  
“Iruka.” His name as said softly, but he ignored it and zipped up his pants with shaking hands. As soon as his shirt was on, his name was repeated again. It sent an even greater shot of dread up his spine.   
  
“Sorry, I have to go,” he was walking out but Kakashi called out his name again. It was barely even a whisper.   
  
He hesitated, twitching and shuffling in the doorway before pressing his back against the frame and gruffly asking, “what do you want from me?”  
  
“I don’t know what you mean.” Iruka refused to look over at Kakashi, but the statement wasn’t harsh or quick. It was calm and it made Iruka feel more insane than he already felt.  
  
“I just… Do you want to be fuck friends? Are you going to use me to get your name out there? I don’t know what you want or what… You’re getting out of this.”  
  
His jaw was trembling, but he felt proud that he didn’t cry. At least, that’s how he felt until he finally looked over at Kakashi.  
  
He was sitting up in bed with his eyes on Iruka firmly. His face gave nothing away, but Iruka had a feeling that it wasn’t because he wasn’t feeling anything.  
  
A hand slid over the sheets to pat the edge of the bed near him. “Iruka.”  
  
He was being tugged in two different directions. He couldn't tell anymore which was was the right thing to do. There hadn't been any other moment in his life where he felt so conflicted: to stay or to leave. He finally met Kakashi's eyes.

It was a moment before Iruka ran a hand up his face and through his hair, slowly stepping closer.  
  
Kakashi scooted over and Iruka sat next to him. Looking over, Iruka found Kakashi still watching him. It unnerved him. This was scary.   
  
“I don’t know you. I mean, I kind of do and so far you’ve been amazing, but I don’t know you.” The statement had left Iruka speechless so Kakashi continued. “I’m just a normal, boring guy who lives a normal, boring life, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings. I’m not looking for anything from you, Iruka. I know what I’m the one that stumbled into your dressing room, but you’re the one that followed me out.”  
  
Seeing that Iruka was looking really guilty and not meeting Kakashi’s eyes, he backtracked a bit. “But you know what? It doesn’t matter what I want.”  
  
Iruka looked back at him in surprise and even more confusion. “You can walk out of here and out of my life completely if you want. It’s your life; not mine.”  
  
Kakashi felt like he finally said the right thing and he watched Iruka look down at the sheets with sinking shoulders.    
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
“I’m just a big mess.” Iruka was rubbing his nose and Kakashi smirked.  
  
“You don’t have to apologize. You don’t seem like that big of a mess to me.” Caught between wanting to laugh and giving him a look, Iruka pursed his lips but couldn’t hold back the quirk of his lips. In the silence that followed, Kakashi said softly, “you can make me anything you want to, but I’d like to at least be your friend.”  
  
There was an interesting glint in Iruka’s eyes and the brunet stood. He started out of the room, much to Kakashi’s surprise. Standing and following after Iruka, he crossed his arms by the door and watched Iruka zip up his boots.  
  
“I’ll have to think about it,” Iruka said before stepping out of the apartment and shutting the door behind him.  
  
Dropping his arms, Kakashi stood helplessly in the doorway. He really hadn’t expected that. There was a small hole now, an emptiness. Glancing over at the side table, he found the sticky note on his phone and opened it to save the number.    
  
Starting to wander away from the door, the studied Iruka’s hand writing and thought that it was pretty messy.  
  
As he reached the end of the hall, the front door swung back open and he spun around to find Iruka smirking in the doorway.  
  
“I thought about it.” He stated, planting his hands on his hips and confidently asserting, “I’ve concluded I like you.” **  
** **  
** **January 14th, 2008** **  
** **  
** Kakashi really loved Iruka. He really freakin did.  
  
He would get dragged around to different concerts and venues on the weekends while some days he would be forced to bring his work on planes and other forms of transportation sometimes for long hours since he didn’t know when he’d get a chance to once they got off.  
  
The best part of it all was that he didn’t mind. It wasn’t because of the cities they were in since they almost never left the hotels or venues.  
  
Their set list was almost ingrained into his memory now. The music was thankfully good and interesting so there wasn't much complaint on his part. He was usually kept in the dressing room, but sometimes he got to wander around. He had a pass to do that this time.    
  
Today, he was right off stage in Seattle, watching Iruka swing around the mic and sing his heart out. Iruka would probably have a sore throat tonight from all the singing. Kakashi was sitting on a little stool, holding Iruka’s water bottle. They hadn't had time to find a lemon which usually helped clear congestion and soothe sore throats.  
  
At that moment, he kinda wished there were lemons probably as much as Iruka did.  
  
The last song passed quickly and Iruka bounced off stage, covered in sweat and panting hard, but he had a big smile on his face.  
  
“How you holding up?” Iruka asked with bright eyes and Kakashi shook himself.  
  
“Good. It's a good show.” Iruka was smiling at him and patted Kakashi’s knee with the hand that wasn't holding the mic.  
  
“You look like shit. After the encore, I'm taking you back to the hotel, okay?”  
  
“Thank you.” Iruka nodded and ran a hand through Kakashi’s hair as he waited for the stage director's signal to head back on.  
  
What were they, their relationship? That was a good question. Even Kakashi didn't really know and he wondered if Iruka had a plan or something. It wasn't like they needed a label on their relationship but… There was a lot that wasn't clear between them.  
  
Their physical relationship was healthy and growing, that was for certain. Iruka would be a sweet and spicy kind of boyfriend if that's what he was; tasty and addictive if you had the tastebuds for it. Kakashi had those tastebuds.  
  
Affectionate was a word that Kakashi would use to describe the man at his side, but there was a cold and hidden side he hadn’t yet touched. He caught glimpses of it when Iruka was stressed or if ever he walked into a room where Iruka was by himself, lost in thought.  
  
They didn’t live together and even though Iruka had a home in LA, he would often be at Kakashi’s place. There had been periods where Iruka would be holed up in studios and creative spaces with the band, but Kakashi would always find his place soon filled with song and the familiar humming that he sometimes woke up to.  
  
“Hey, you in there?”    
  
Sniffing, Kakashi looked back up to find Iruka standing over him and reaching for his hand. In the background, the crowd was screaming and clapping loudly. He glanced around and saw people clapping and high-fiving each other while a few others were moving around to put things away.  
  
“Come on, encore’s over and we can finally go home.” He nodded and quietly let Iruka pull him to his feet, moving through the crowd and back to the dressing room. After changing into something warm, they slid into the back seat of their ride and headed towards downtown. Iruka was holding his hand and soothing circles into the back of it lazily, but Kakashi could barely feel it. He was seeing it happen, but his body felt sluggish and achy.  
  
He really didn’t feel good. He felt sick, dizzy and nauseous.  
  
“I’m going to puke.”  
  
Iruka looked over at the soft voice and distance voice, scrambling around, “wait, wait, really? Shit, just wait… God, pull over driver!”  
  
Just as the car stopped, Kakashi felt the door beside him open and he saw the ground just in time.  
  
A hand was rubbing his back as he threw up out of the car and he lifted up his head to find a napkin being wiped against his face.  
  
“Do you think you can make it a few more blocks to the hotel?” A hand was rubbing his hair and it was nice.  
  
“Think so,” the car lurched forward and it was a quick drive. He barely noticed when they finally stopped. The walk from the car up to their room was a complete blur, but he remembered hitting things.    
  
“Here, just lie down, I’ll get you a towel.”  
  
He was about to answer with an okay, but the world dipped into black and his eyes fell shut as he slipped into the water.  
  
It was even more sickening than normal when he was pulled back out. Thankfully, he found himself in a bathroom: a hotel bathroom. He immediately threw up into the toilet. When he pulled his head back up, he blearily looked over to the noise of the door opening and saw a very pale, surprised Iruka standing there.  
  
He threw up again right before he blinked back into the hotel bed.  
  
“Okay, I’ve got a towel and the trash is right here if you need it okay?” Iruka was standing over him with concern and Kakashi grabbed his wrist. He didn’t know when his other self would get there, but he had to stop Iruka from seeing him somehow.    
  
“Ruka.” Sitting on the edge of the bed, the towel in Iruka’s hands was pressed to his forehead and it felt good. “Don’t go into the bathroom.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Just, please, trust me. Don’t-” Before he could speak again, his eyes slid shut and he was in silence again.    
  
He didn’t want to open his eyes again, but they were almost forced open. This time, he wasn’t in the bathroom.  
  
Lights flashed outside the small crack in the closet door and he caught glimpses of people moving down the hall. He felt lightheaded. It was the old family home. In the room down the hall where all the police officers were moving to and from, his father’s body was being photographed and bagged.    
  
It was a scene he knew well.    
  
After the moment, his eyes dipped shut and he found himself looking back up at Iruka. Leaning over him with a hand on Kakashi’s cheek.  
  
“So that’s what you meant by blackouts, isn’t it?” Kakashi wondered why Iruka was so calm. “You’re eyes were so glassy. It was like you were dead for a second. I was so worried.”  
  
There was a thump from the bathroom and Iruka snapped his head, but before Kakashi could reach out and grab the other man’s arm, he was gone.  
  
He could hear himself throwing up and it made him sick. So, he puked in the trash.  
  
There were swear words from the bathroom and Iruka came back, looking pale and confused.  
  
“I just… You… Kakashi.” Iruka watched as the older man puked again and he took a deep breath. He didn’t know what the heck was going on, but he would handle this shit.  
  
Stalking over, he pulled Kakashi back from the edge of the bed and sat him upright to shake Kakashi awake. Keeping as calm as he could, he demanded, “can I call a doctor? Is this life threatening?”  
  
There was a weak shake of his head before Kakashi suddenly went limp again, leaving Iruka with an unresponsive body.  
  
“Fuck,” this wasn’t normal. This was far from normal; it was like Kakashi was on a bad drug and there was nothing Iruka could do to help. He half expected another Kakashi to walk out of the bathroom, but instead he watched Kakashi suddenly breathe in like he had before. Covered in sweat, Kakashi was breathing hard and still unconscious, but Iruka was glad he was breathing.  
  
The tall man was almost completely out of it, in and out of consciousness so much that he was more asleep than awake. There was a long while of perching on the edge of the bed before Iruka decided to get comfortable. Moving over to the other side of the bed, Iruka crawled in, sat against the pillows and pulled Kakashi’s very weak body close. **  
** **  
** **January 15th, 2008** **  
**  
There was a knock.    
  
It had jolted Iruka awake and he was really not excited to get the door. He hoped it wasn’t the band asking about tonight. He really wanted to just stay in bed and take care of Kakashi. Well, it was mainly because he had a lot of questions and wanted to asked them asap, but he was also concerned.    
  
Patting Kakashi’s sweaty head, he scooted out and to the front door. It was a good thing that he checked the peephole first because he probably would have been much more startled than he was to see a familiar fluff of silver hair and lanky figure.  
  
As he opened the door, Kakashi-look-alike stepped inside without a word. He had what looked like snacks and food that made Iruka’s stomach gurgle, but the younger man was more focused on how there were now two Kakashis in his hotel room.  
  
Seeing the very stressed face Iruka was probably making, the newcomer said as he pulled down his scarf and took off his coat, “don’t freak out.”  
  
“I’m not,” Iruka’s voice cracked and he pursed his lips, shoving his hands into his pockets.  
  
“Mhmmm,” there was a long hum and Kakashi gestured to the food. “Have something. I’ve got a few minutes before I have to get back.”  
  
Like a deer in headlights, Iruka hesitantly approached and peeked into the bag. He saw corner store candies, a drink and a muffin; food that he eagerly snatched and ripped open. Giving Kakashi a suspicious glare, he mumbled through a full mouth, “you better give me answers, ya big mook, cause I’m angry as fuck.”  
  
He took a violent bite that did not faze Kakashi whatsoever.    
  
“Take a seat. I’ll try and… Talk.”    
  
Iruka followed the order and was leaning in, staring as pointedly as he could at Kakashi. “Go on.”  
  
“I’m him but older,” Kakashi threw a thumb at the weak little baby of a man tucked into the bed. Iruka peered up and down, confirming that this was indeed Kakashi, but there were a few things off. This one was paler if that was even possible for a pasty guy like Kakashi who could possibly dress up as a domino if you covered his hair. His hair was shorter and slightly receding.    
  
“I’m listening.” Iruka suspicious bit into the muffin.  
  
“My blackouts are really my mind manifesting in different times.”  
  
The younger man chewed slowly, “mhm…”  
  
“So, I’m basically a time traveler.”    
  
“You lost me,” Iruka stated blatantly, shaking his head and the other man chuckled while sitting in the other chair.  
  
“I can’t control it. There’s… Something wrong in my brain that makes it happen, one that I can’t explain. Even my doctor can’t explain it.”  
  
“So…” Looking over at the bed, Iruka bit his lip. “You’re from the future.”  
  
“Yes,” turning back to the familiar face, Iruka saw a soft smile and felt his heart jumped a little. It was an all too familiar smile.  
  
“Fuck, you know this is really weird, right?”    
  
“Yes,” there was a chuckled before they both fell into silence.  
  
“Can I ask you one thing? Just this one question and I’ll believe and accept all of this, without a shadow of a doubt.” The taller man studied Iruka curiously, as if he was studying a puzzle he couldn’t solve, before finally nodding. **  
** **  
** **January 16th, 2008** **  
** **  
** The long flight back home from Seattle was confusing. The whole day had really been confusing to begin with or at least that was what Kakashi felt.    
  
When he woke up early that morning, he felt worn and more tired even though he had been bedridden for most of the day before. There had been no questions of even talk of the night before when he first woke up. Iruka soon left to do their final show for that night, leaving Kakashi alone with his dinner and the television. The next morning, the only question he got was if he felt up to going to brunch downstairs before the flight.  
  
He was thoroughly confused and he kept glancing over at Iruka. He didn’t know why there wasn’t a reaction from Iruka. It made him nervous. It made him expect the worse.  
  
On the flight, he had tried to bring it up to hopefully get some sort of response about it, but his attempts were always shot out of the sky by either Iruka pretending he didn’t hear the question and Kakashi being too shy to repeat or his question being completely misunderstood.  
  
It was driving him mad.  
  
In the plane he had been almost shaking in his seat out of fear. The worst possible scenario he had in his brain was Iruka breaking up whatever they were once they got back to Arizona. It didn’t cross his mind that Iruka could tell the world about his episodes. He trusted Iruka’s character too much for that.  
  
But the car ride back was as quiet as the grave Kakashi felt he was in. The elevator ride was the same.  
  
At this point, he was bracing for the worse.  
  
Once Inside Kakashi’s apartment, Iruka threw his bag and shoes at the door to pad over to the kitchen. Lagging behind, Kakashi slowly followed.    
  
“I… Ruka?” The sounds of rummaging led Kakashi to the kitchen, finding Iruka filling their kettle with water and slapping it on.  
  
“I’m making ramen. You want some?” The younger man pulled out a cup and waved it over his shoulder, not turning to Kakashi.  
  
“No, thank you.” Slowly, Kakashi sat at the island and watched Iruka’s slow movements. “So, I think that maybe we should talk.”  
  
“Hmm?” Iruka finally turned to look at him and how he was sitting stiff. “Mah, we don’t have to.”  
  
“We don’t?”  
  
“Nope,” Iruka turned back to what he was doing. “You already took care of that.”  
  
“I did?”  
  
“Well,” Iruka turned and motioned at him with a fork. “Not you-you but you from ten years from now.”  
  
“Oh.”    
  
“Mhm,” Iruka had the fork in his mouth, leaning against the counter and studying him carefully. A cold sweat had broken out on his back and Kakashi couldn’t find a word to say.  
  
Thankfully, Iruka did all the talking as he shifted over to press against the counter and lean over it, getting close to Kakashi’s face. Iruka’s eyes were stunning. “Kakashi?”  
  
“Y-yes?” He felt flushed.  
  
“How do you feel about me?”  
  
“How…. I feel?”    
  
“Mhm.” Iruka nodded but didn’t break eye contact. “All this time, it’s been me making decisions for us and you’ve been complacent with every single thing I do and it’s been pissing me off.”  
  
Stunned, Kakashi didn’t have a real reason to give, but he did have answer. With a spur of courage, he leaned forward. He wanted to kiss Iruka so bad. The breath against his lips made him burn inside.  
  
“I love you.”    
  
There was a gasp and Iruka’s eyes went wide as if he hadn’t been expecting that.    
  
Iruka’s whole face turned into a tomato and he quickly looked away, covering his mouth. “Y-you should be lying down!”  
  
“Eh?”  
  
“Go lie down! You’re sick!” Stunned, Kakashi complied and turned to the living room, leaving Iruka to the kitchen. On one hand, Iruka was right about him being tired. With a flop, he sank into the cushions and sighed at how good it felt to relax. There was a weight off his chest. Whatever his older self had said, it seemed to quell his worst fears. He was so tired now.  
  
He opened his eyes again to find a familiar face on his lap.    
  
“Iruka-”  
  
“I wanted to make it special. I was going to tell you for the first time on New Year’s and make a big thing out of it, but I was too scared. I regretted it so much.” Brows pressed together and arms framing Kakashi’s head, Iruka leaned closer.  
  
“I love you.” Kakashi repeated. “I love you.”  
  
“I know.” Iruka was kissing him softly. “Now, move in with me.”

“What?”

 They stared at each other as the flush in Iruka’s cheeks faded. It was replaced by fear. “I… I’m asking you to move in with me.”

“I-I understand that I just-” Kakashi stopped and Iruka stood.

“If you don’t want to, you can tell me.” His arms were crossed and he was closing himself off. “I don’t want you to move in with me just because you pity me.”

That comment threw Kakashi for a spin. “Iruka, do you think I pity you?”

Clenching fists on his arms, the singer shifted and looked away. “I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder why you’re even still around.”

Kakashi’s wanted to take Iruka’s hand but the other man’s face turned sharp and angry. “You’ve seen my meds, you know what I’m like on the road and I know you’ve seen me breakdown.”

There were tears now in his eyes. They were big and confused and they all of a sudden gushed down like a fountain as the anger melted away into confusion. “Why? Why are you? Why do you feel that way? I don’t understand. Is it the money? Is it fame? I don’t...”

After a moment of trying to figure that out for himself, Kakashi answered truthfully. “I don’t know.”

Arms fell and Iruka slid into silence, staring at the ground as if trying to find the answers in the carpet.

Slowly reaching out, he took Iruka’s hand and he said softly, “I just love you.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” was Iruka’s blunt response but the blank stare slightly bent into a smile. “At least you didn’t say that it’s because I’m hot or something.”

“I mean,” Kakashi slowly drew Iruka closer to the couch, sliding hands onto Iruka’s hips. “You’re not wrong but they say beauty is subjective.”

“Asshole,” Iruka laughed as he tossed the throw blanket over Kakashi’s head.

“See? I still love you even if you’re beauty is now non-existent.” With their laughs peaking again, the time traveler pulled the blanket off his head and said, “now, ask me again.”

“Huh?” Iruka smirked, getting up and moving to the kitchen, saying playfully, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”  
**  
** **March 9th, 2012** **  
** **  
** “So?” Iruka trudged from the front door, through the living room where Kakashi was working and down the hall to the bedroom. Peaking around the corner, Kakashi watched Iruka flop onto the bed and stay flopped.  
  
After finishing up a few last lines of code, he stood and traced Iruka's path to their bedroom through their slowly filling home in Los Angeles. Iruka didn’t move when his back was rubbed, but he groaned loudly.  
  
“I hate this.” It was muffled by sheets, but Kakashi had heard it.  
  
“Didn’t go well?”  
  
“This album is going to flop so hard.”  
  
“You said that about the last one and yet that soared like an eagle.”    
  
There was a harumph in the sheets. Carefully, Kakashi undid Iruka’s tight ponytail and started massaging out what probably was a headache. He leaned against their pillows as a content hum came through.  
  
“Magic hands,” Iruka turned his face out of the sheets to be more clear. This was how the passed few weeks had gone: Iruka would leave early in the morning for the studio while Kakashi stayed home to work, Iruka would come back home and they’d spend some time together in some way and Kakashi would later find Iruka staring off, lost in his thoughts before falling asleep.  
  
The last year had been rough. Many nights, Kakashi would fall asleep with Iruka in his arms and wake up in the middle of the night to find him gone. Sometimes, Iruka would be humming in their office. Others, Iruka would be staring out their window. On nights that weren’t as rare as either of them would like to admit, Iruka would be crying.  
  
Worry was at the forefront of Kakashi’s mind. He felt like he was slowly watching someone drown from behind glass, unable to help.  
  
“Hey,” he whispered. “Let me take you out for dinner tomorrow.”  
  
Turning over, brown eyes met his and there was a small nod. “Okay.”  
  
“Something nice. Pretend we’re other people and dress up all fancy.” That earned a small smile.  
  
“Different. Fancy is new for us.”  
  
“But tonight, let’s sleep.” And they did. Well, for the most part they did.  
  
At about four in the morning, Kakashi found himself awake. He looked over and was relieved to find Iruka flopped next to him, taking too much of the blanket. He yawned and was about to pull some for himself when the yawn pushed his eyes close to a different darkness.  
  
The water all around him jolted him awake and he opened his eyes to find a shred of light peaking through. For a moment, he thought he was back in the closet of his old family home but came to the slow realization that it wasn’t his family’s but another’s.  
  
He realized he was in a closet of a bedroom. It was quite bare and only had a few shirts and pants hung up. There was a small basket of dirty clothes too.    
  
“Iruka!” A shrill woman screamed. Kakashi tensed but shifted to look out the little crack in the door. In a corner of the room, there was a little boy who was no older than ten writing in a notebook.    
  
He was small and was really skinny. His knees were tucked up to his chest with head bobbing to a beat that was coming from the headphones over his ears. Iruka couldn’t hear it, but the woman who screamed was stomping to the room.  
  
Kakashi flinched just as Iruka did when the door swung open.  
  
“Are you fucking stupid?” She demanded and violently ripped the headphones across the room. Kakashi looked away just as there was a slamming sound before another and another. “Piece of useless shit. When I come home, you better be asleep and this house better be clean.”  
  
Once she left, Kakashi saw the limp, little body in the corner stunned into silence. He could see the glimmer of tears and he held back his own emotions. He wanted to badly to walk out and hold the poor little boy and tell him it was all going to be okay. But he couldn’t and he sat in the closet until he finally dipped into soundless water and back out again.  
  
He still wasn’t in his own bed, but he was somewhere familiar: a dressing room. It was After Matters’ dressing room to be more specific and he could hear Iruka’s voice onstage. Struggling into clothes, he noted how it definitely wasn’t in their early days; the clothes were too tight for that. This was more subdued; less reds and blacks but more browns, greens and blacks.  
  
He hadn’t seen stage clothes like these yet.  
  
Stepping out, he slipped down the hall into the dressing room that was obviously the band’s and found Iruka’s bag. At the back of his mind, he wondered why he wasn’t there or why he couldn’t see any of his things. Maybe this was way in the past or maybe they broke up.  
  
That thought made his heart break a little and he opened Iruka’s bag to search for a phone. Feeling lightheaded, he found one that was black and slick; a shiny new model that he hadn’t heard of. On the front screen, he found no background picture. Luckily, Iruka had the same passcode and he was inside.

The home screen took his breath away. It was a photo of two people with their hands intertwined up near their smiling mouths. It cut off right before their noses, but he recognized Iruka’s grin and his own beauty mark. He remembered it. They had taken it a few months ago when they finally had a free moment alone together; a lazy Sunday spent on the couch.  
  
The screen said it was March 10th, 2015. It was exactly three years into the future.  
  
Not wanting to see more of the future to come, he put the phone back and walked back out to watch from his usual spot just off stage. As he was stepping up, he passed the stage manager who he smiled to. In response, they oddly enough dropped the cable in their hand in surprise.  
  
“Kakashi.” A stunned looking Kotetsu had stepped away from the small refreshment station, surprise on the drummer’s face. Kakashi was about to greet him, but the next song started.  
  
It was slow and soft; an ethereal hum before a very clean guitar started playing. It was bittersweet and unlike any other song the band had written. Iruka’s voice started singing.  
  
Kakashi stepped up the last steps and saw Iruka onstage, standing from a stool he’d been sitting on to step out into the thrust of the stage. He was surrounded by people who started singing with him and he sang loud and clear as the song built up. On the last few lines, Iruka choked and dropped the mic, screaming the last line to the audience before the stage lights dimmed and he stumbled back.  
  
Standing in the slowly creeping dark, Kakashi could only stand there and watch as Iruka turned to off stage and saw him. There were sudden tears and he was on his knees. Kakashi understood now and it terrified him.  
  
He covered his mouth and backed away. The world fell black again around the haunting image of Iruka’s pained face, bending over in emotional agony.  
  
When he opened his eyes again, he was in the middle of a hospital hallway. Quickly, he slipped into a nearby room and searched for some kind of clothing. The first room had nothing, but the second one was a small changing room with clean gowns waiting.  
  
Once in one, he sat on the little bench in the room and tried to breathe. He was starting to panic.  
  
He was going to die.  
  
In the next three years, he was going to be dead and gone.  
  
Closing his eyes, he wished to go back home and hoped that this was just a nightmare, but he kept hearing the sounds outside the room. After a minute, he felt a little better but still shaken. He stepped out and hear noises coming from down the hall.  
  
“Male. Early thirties. Hit by an suv with a grid in the front. There’s major breakage in one arm, but that’s not even the worst, according to paramedics.” A nurse saying saying to a doctor as they hurried by and Kakashi was drawn to follow them. They rounded the corner and he slowly followed, lagging behind.  
  
“Shit, we’re gonna be here all night,” the doctor said in response to something the nurse said. Was he hit by a car? Was this the time where he was transported to; his own death?  
  
He followed them down a hall, earning himself a few looks from nurses until they reached what looked like the emergent care; a step above urgent.  
  
It was eerily quiet except for some shuffling and hurried voice off in one corner. The doctors were headed in that direction to one of the curtained sections of the wing. There was a struggle inside of him to see, fearing the worst but wanting to know.  
  
If he hadn’t hesitated in stepping forward, he probably wouldn’t have heard the small voice that cried out, “dad!”  
  
A pair of skinny arms wrapped around his waist. A small boy with bright hair was attached to his hip now, hugging him and sobbing heavily, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t see it. I didn’t see it coming.”  
  
“Wh...what?” He was so confused. Dad? A son? Was this before his death? Then… who was… What?    
  
The kid kept hugging him and he awkwardly patted the boy’s head. “It’s… Gonna be okay… What’s the date, again?”  
  
Looking up in confusion, big blue eyes met his, “it’s… Um…”    
  
The nurse who had been sitting by the boy said helpfully, “March 10th, 2015.”  
  
The little boy repeated the date back to him, but Kakashi was already a million miles away. Two different futures. Time was rearranging itself as he was passing through it.    
  
The bigger issue on his mind was that if this was his son then that meant…  
  
He patted the boy’s head and stepped closer to the curtain, finding a crack big enough to see the patient on their stomach being tended to by a few other doctors who were trying to stop the bleeding coming from a huge tear in their back. He gasped at the sight of brown hair matted with blood and stumbled away, almost throwing up.  
  
The kid from before started crying even more from his reaction and he was caught between crying or comforting the kid. Was this what would happen in the future? Or was it the other one? His death or Iruka’s?    
  
The little boy was walking closer, but Kakashi’s eyes closed and he was back in darkness.  
  
Upon opening them again, snow slapped at his face and he winced against the cold whipping against his naked body. It was so cold. Without knowing how long he could be out there, he had to find shelter.    
  
Trudging through the snow, he stepped out onto a road and started to walk as fast as he could down the road. His toes were already frozen and the wind wasn’t stopping. It he hadn’t been so panicked in that moment, he might had slipped on the ice.  
  
Keeping steady, he stumbled forward once or twice, but the real worry was the pain in his extremities, limbs and pretty much all over his whole body. He had to stop to try and wiggle his toes. They were hurting so much.    
  
He looked down and found that they were an angry red on the icy road; almost on the edge of turning blue. An urgency kicked him into gear and spurred him forward.  
  
He wasn’t going to die here for Iruka to find his body cold in the morning. Taking a first stride forward again, Kakashi almost slipped when he saw a bright light racing towards him at top speed. The light turned into two headlights that were coming straight for him and his momentum was in the same path as the truck that was swerving out of control.    
  
Within milliseconds, he felt a force slam into the side of his face and throw him back into the road, but he didn’t hit snow or ice. Hitting his own pillow, there was an explosion of pain in his left eye and there was a horrific scream that turned out to be his.    
  
“Kakashi!” Iruka was over him, his concern turning into horror. “Holy fuck. Just stay right here.”  
  
“Ruka,” his voice moaned, gripping the sheets and gritting his teeth against the hurt.  
  
“I’m coming, baby,” Iruka was pressing something against the side of his face and he cried out. He could see Iruka as straight-faced as possible with a phone to his ear. “I’m so sorry, love, but we need to put pressure on this thing. Just trust me. Hello? Yes, hello, I’m at 202 Elwood drive. My friend’s been hurt and he’s bleeding badly. Yes, it’s bad. It goes from his forehead across an eye and down to his cheekbone. Yes, thank you. Yes, I’ll be right here.”  
  
As stony as Iruka was, he managed to give Kakashi a soft, reassuring smile. “Hey, hey. Stay with me, baby. I’m right here. Stay with me.”  
  
If his body could respond to his wishes, Kakashi would have listened. **  
** **  
** **March 11th, 2012** **  
** **  
** First, he heard a soft crinkling noise. The next was dripping. Shifting slightly, he felt one of his arms able to move while the other was caught by something. He cracked his eyes open and saw a wall and a ceiling. Looking down, he found that only one of his eyes was open and he couldn’t open the other. Ignoring the odd feeling, he turned his attention to the wall in front of him and how there was a whiteboard stuck to the wall with all his information on it.  
  
‘My name is: Kakashi.’  
  
He could see his own name, but the rest was foggy now. He could barely see the smiley faces of the pain scale at the top.  
  
There was a soft of soft shuffling to his left and he tried to turn his head to see. He need to turn more than usual to see with his right eye and saw a blurry figure walk into the room with what looked like an apple or some sort of fruit.  
  
“He…” Throat hoarse and tight, he swallowed. It got the attention of the newcomer who stopped in their tracks just steps in the room and slowly approached.  
  
As they got closer, Iruka’s face slowly came into focus and Kakashi reached out his free hand as Iruka sat on the bed next to him. Twining their fingers, Iruka kissed his hand and gave a short laugh. Kakashi could feel wetness on his hand suddenly as it was pressed against Iruka cheek. Iruka whispered, “hey.”  
  
“Hey,” he said back through his dry throat.  
  
“Here,” Iruka’s free hand went out of vision and brought back a white cup and straw with water in it. After a long drink, Kakashi sighed in relief and relaxed into the hospital bed.  
  
Iruka kissed his hand again, saying, “we almost lost you a bit there. You lost so much blood, but they got it back in. You know, you’re blood type is really fucking hard to find.”  
  
That got a chuckle out of both of them and Kakashi smiled up at the Iruka he knew and loved. He couldn’t see Iruka too well, but he could see the dark circles and pale complexion on normally tan skin. The poor man must have been worried sick.  
  
“Hey.”  
  
Iruka nodded, “mhm?”  
  
“I love you.” **  
** **  
** **March 26th, 2012** **  
** **  
** “Where did you go?” Iruka’s chin was stacked on his fist quizzically as the nurse ripped off the tape that was holding Kakashi’s IV in place.  
  
Wincing visibly, Kakashi gritted his teeth. “What?”  
  
“You know what I mean.” Iruka gave the nurse a smile once she was done and handed Kakashi a shirt.  
  
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Kakashi pecked his boyfriend on the lips and hid in the bathroom to pull on the shirt.  
  
They were outside when Iruka asked again, “come on, Kakashi. You’ve always told me before. What makes this time so different?”  
  
Iruka had stopped walking and his breath was coming out in steamy puffs of hot air from morning freeze. But Kakashi didn’t stop walking and walked them to a bench nearby to wait for their ride.    
  
Sitting on the bench together was nice and Iruka realized how good it felt to have Kakashi free from the hospital and healthy. Well, healthy in the sense that he was living and breathing and walking.    
  
“So, you going to tell me or am I going to have to assume the worst?”    
  
After a moment of Iruka looking over at Kakashi with a quirked brow, the older man finally craned his next to meet Iruka’s gaze. “Fine, but only if you follow me.”  
  
Frowning, Iruka watched Kakashi wave to Adam and they both got into the car.  
  
Kakashi stopped the car before they got home and walked them through a little pathway until they were in a park. It was mostly grass and field, but the path led them around the edge of it to a bench that overlook the neighbourhoods further down the slope and the ocean beyond.  
  
Kakashi patted the bench for Iruka to sit on while he paced around it, stating as he went, “it wasn’t a pleasant experience. I really saw a lot of things that were… Disturbing. A lot of them were… Horrible and I hope that I never ever have to see those things ever again in my life.”  
  
“Mhm,” Iruka was looking off into the sea, listening closely and nodding slowly.  
  
“I know you don’t like to talk about your parents.” Iruka tensed at that, snapping his eyes over to Kakashi as a warning. “I saw something, okay. I don’t want to keep it from you, but I saw something and I know it probably wasn’t the worst thing that’s happened, but I…”  
  
“It’s okay, Kakashi.” Iruka had stared off into space for a little before nodding and rubbing his thighs with his sweaty palms. “Was it with my father?”  
  
“No.” He said quickly.  
  
“Good. So, it was my mother then?” Kakashi nodded and Iruka swallowed back a knot. “I guess you saw one of many violent things.”  
  
Kakashi nodded again and Iruka nodded back, “thank you for telling me… Was… that it?”  
  
“I didn’t see anything else from before.” The pause Kakashi made gave Iruka a flare of suspicion, knowing there was definitely more than Kakashi was laying on.  
  
“So, you saw things… From the future too.”

They were quiet, still until Kakashi sat and just dove into it. “I was at a concert; one of yours. I was backstage and I went to watch like I usually do on the sidelines. People were giving me funny looks. I didn’t really notice until you started singing the most heartbreaking song I’d ever heard. You could barely finish it and when you saw me offstage, you dropped to your knees and started crying.”  
  
Iruka had his mouth in his hands, as still as a statue.  
  
They both knew what that might have meant without having to say so.  
  
“I was clipped by a truck. If I hadn’t been so shaken by seeing that pain you were going through, I don’t think I would be here right now.”  
  
The next timeskip, Kakashi couldn’t tell. He had decided to keep it hidden and hide it away to himself mainly because he was afraid it might scare Iruka out of the question he had to ask. He had been planning it for the passed few months and his plans had gotten skewed, but now he was too eager to get it over with.  
  
He continued on, reaching out to hold Iruka’s cold hand, “it made me realize that I don’t want a life without you. And that life is really freakin short.”  
  
He kept Iruka’s hand in his, standing from the bench to kneel in front of Iruka and pull out the ring he’d been rolling in his pocket. “Iruka Umino, I love you with all my heart. Please be my lawfully wedded husband.”  
  
Iruka’s eyes were the biggest Kakashi had ever seen them and he was frozen still with his mouth half open. After those words sunk in properly, Iruka blushed and looked away, still holding Kakashi’s hand as he said softly, “yes, please.”  
  
There was a moment when they watched in awe as Kakashi slid a ring on Iruka's shaking finger. Looking up at each other, there were tears on the brink of falling from Iruka's eyes. He was pulled into a hug and could hear soft, muted weeping coming from his shoulder.  
  
He held Iruka close with a steady hand and felt his own eyes watering as Iruka intentionally cried in front of him for the first time since they met. **  
** **  
** **May 26th, 2015** **  
** **  
** “Naruto,” Kakashi grabbed the boy’s collar before he had a chance to run off. “Did you remember to brush your teeth?”  
  
The seven year-old winced and Kakashi dragged him back from the front door, ushering the boy to the bathroom. After teeth were brushed and the kid was strapped into his booster seat, they headed off to the hospital.    
  
“Alley-oop.” Kakashi pulled up Naruto onto his back and walked them to Iruka’s room where the boy wiggled out of Kakashi’s grasp and onto the floor to run there himself, too-big backpack wiggling with his run.  
  
“Daddy!” Kakashi could hear the squeal from down the hall and the happy laughter of Naruto probably throwing himself onto Iruka. Expectedly, he found Iruka had pulled Naruto onto his lap and was listening to a story from school. Kakashi leaned against the doorframe and watched them happily.  
  
Iruka was recovering well and his back was healing nicely. The accident had scared all of them but even though Kakashi knew it was going to happen, he hadn’t been able to stop it.  
  
At the very moment Naruto had ran out into the street, he had fallen into another episode.    
  
It was a cold day and he ended up in a Walmart somewhere cold. While he was ripping the tags off his newly shoplifted clothes, he noticed the date and grabbed some snacks too while he was there. Once out in the world, he walked a ways down the streets of Seattle until he had found a familiar looking hotel.   
  
“Can I ask you one thing? Just this one question and I’ll believe and accept all of this, without a shadow of a doubt.” Kakashi watched Iruka curiously, still amazed by how Iruka wasn’t running out of the room in terror, before finally nodding.  
  
Their eyes had met and Iruka asked softly, “did I kill myself?”  
  
The clock in the room was loud in the silence that followed. Neither of them looked away or twitched until Kakashi said bluntly, “yes.”  
  
The response he got wasn’t a sad one or an angry one. It was a nod and an almost frustrated look on Iruka’s part. “You know what? I’m so fucking in love with you.”  
  
“I know.” Kakashi gave chuckle.  
  
“Of course you know that but… I fell in love with you. Hard. As soon as I saw you, I knew that you were a weirdo that I could just give myself to and you took it with both arms open and now I’m gonna have to deal with all this crazy shit that’s even more weird.” Kakashi let Iruka rant and thought ahead to how well Iruka dealt with it after this. “And… And… Gyuhh.”  
  
Iruka had thrown his face into his hands.    
  
“I love you too.” Iruka looked up at the soft smile on his face and took a deep breath, his shoulders sinking.  
  
“You better.” They both broke out into laughter and Kakashi had given a final word before blacking out.  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
“Kakashi?” Iruka was looking expectantly at him from his hospital bed, smirking and motioning Kakashi to come forward with a nod of his head. His arms were currently filled with Naruto. He looked sweaty, tired and generally weak, but he was still smiling warmly; happy. Despite all the pain and despite everything that they were going through, Iruka looked truly happy.  
  
“Sorry,” Kakashi came up and kissed Iruka’s hair. “Got lost down memory lane.”

**Author's Note:**

> In memory of Chester Bennington. Love the people you have while you have them.


End file.
